Bildungsroman (or: Look at the Useless Vocabulary Word I Learned in College)

So, it occurs to me that I've been here for just over a year now.

Last week I was downtown during the day for a doctor's appointment (an eye infection, I'm fine) and I had a bit of time to kill beforehand, so I stopped at Stumptown and had some coffee and a scone before heading off. It'd been so long since I'd been anywhere except work at that time of day, and I was struck by a weird feeling of deja vu, remembering the day I'd arrived back in Portland after being in Seattle -- wandering, walking around the city, thinking about the possibilities, being pleased with things. I knew I'd blogged about that day at some point, so when I got home that evening I searched for the entry, which just so happened to be... exactly a year ago to the day. It was a strange coincidence that really had no meaning, but at the same time sent me on one of those sentimental trips down memory lane that I'm so fond of indulging in.

So, as I mentioned, it occurs to me that I've been here for just over a year now. Right now, I can't decide whether to type "it feels like I just got here," or "it feels like I've always been here," so I'll write both and try not to think about it too hard. What I do know is that this has been one of the most exciting and fulfilling years of my life. I know this blog is already an exercise in self-congratulatory excess, but can I just pat myself on the back for a few more seconds? This year has been hard, in almost every kind of way. I lost things. Things got taken away. And the years before that weren't so smooth, either. (Remember 2006? Yeah, me too.) I remember feeling so good when I got here, and that feeling hasn't gone away. How can it not have gone away?! I blog about spilling things on myself, or going to nickel arcades, or missing the bus, but between these entries are things (some small, some big) that have been quietly shaping me. Most of these things will never be written about. All I can say is that I'm proud of myself, and I'm happy with the way things are going. It's not like I've accomplished anything huge, but at the same time I've accomplished more than I ever knew I was capable of. Arghhh! I wish I were more eloquent... how to explain? I guess: things aren't perfect, but they don't need to be. Yeah, that's about right.

So, please bear with me, because I can't seem to shut up about Portland, or running, or local food, or new recipes, or new friends or new music or just feeling good and fine and happy. Happy anniversary, Amanda and Portland! I wouldn't trade this year for anything. But I think Robert Ryan puts it best: