Berry Punny

I AM IN BERRY HEAVEN.

The one great part about my job (aside from the fact that they pay me to go there) is the unexpected appearance of a giant row of blackberry bushes near the road by my office. What looked like a giant patch of tangly weeds suddently began producing delicious berries! While our coworkers sit motionless in their cubicles, my friend Travis and I have been using our breaks to harvest berries in the sun. Today I came home with 2 big tupperware containers full, an amount that probably would have cost... over $10 at the farmer's market? Ha ha! I keep meaning to make a cobbler or something, but I stuff them down my gullet so fast that so far it's been impossible. Right now I'm enjoying them with some sparkling wine!

In other news, the other day I got jalepeno oil on my eye. I was making some Vietnamese food, and I'd picked up some jalepenos at the farmer's market (no salmonella for me!) that were labeled "mild," so I wanted to see exactly how spicy they were before I put them in the food. Uh, they were really freakin' spicy. Like a fool I picked up a tiny piece with my fingers and ate it, setting my entire mouth on fire. After trying in vain to cool the fire within, I washed my hands thoroughly... or so I thought. At some point I must have rubbed my eye, because I began noticing a sharp pain on my eyelid, which quickly escalated into a 4-alarm fire that could not be stopped. Boy, I wish you could have been there. With a swollen up eyelid, I did a frantic one-eyed internet search to see what I could use to stop the burning; I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but milk products are basically the only thing that can cool jalepeno fires. Unfortunately for me, I've been eating vegan (for a fun experiment, not forever... more later on this?), so there were no milk products to be found in my home. "The Internet" recommended oil or vinegar as solutions if no milk products were on hand, so I desperately smeared both on my burning eyelid, only to have the terrible fire intensify. At this point, I would also like to mention that the original fire in my mouth had never really gone away, and my lips were swollen to Angelina Jolie proportions. After the fire had cooled, I actually admired my mouth in the mirror and wished I had somewhere to go.

Luckily for me, I remembered that Corinn had left a yogurt parfait in the back of the refrigerator (we had a brunch at our house last weekend). I say "luckily" because this meant that the burning in my eye could be stopped, though it also meant smearing a slightly spoiled, crusty handful of yogurt and granola all over my eyelid. Again, I wish you could have been there. To make a long story short (too late!), the yogurt worked, and I'm fine now. Also, the food I was making turned out to be, uh, out of this world, so I guess it was worth it.

Stories for later:
How I Got Shot With a Supersoaker by a Car Full of Teenagers (On My Way to a Date)
How Someone at Work Stole My Lunch & I Put a Childish Note on the Refrig. to Shame Them